Hi guys! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have been in the hospital for the past couple of days. Here's my story.
My mom and I got into a huge fight - we ended up crying and screaming and me throwing things and cutting myself. The next day I refused to go to school because my Gingivitis was hurting my teeth super badly and for some reason the past couple of days I had been feeling sore all over my body. (Not period related, I don't get it for another 20 days). She said she was taking me to the hospital, whether I liked it or not. I had two options:
- go with her and be voluntarily baker acted
- be taking out of my house in handcuffs and be baker acted by police
So I went with the first choice, obviously. She made the car ride as awful as possible. I started listening to music on the way there since the hospital we were going to was forty minutes away.
When we arrived to the hospital, they took me into a room in the PEDS section of the hospital and admitted me by giving me a hospital bracelet. Once that happened I knew there was no way out. They kept me waiting in there for 4 hours. Therapists and nurses came in and out asking me triggering questions. I would cry and make it worse on my case because it made them believe I really needed to be admitted to the psych ward after all. Around 9 o'clock, I finally was sent up to the adolescents psych ward. They sent me to my room and I had to go to sleep at 9:30 (this was every night). You could not talk, you could not move, and you could not ask for anything without getting yelled at or told no.
I knew that for the next few days no matter what happens I had to be sweet as candy. And I was. Through whatever I was going through, I bit my tongue. Even when I was nicer than ever, the nurses thought it was okay to give me attitude. In my mind I was going crazy. They are so disrespectful and unpleasant to be around. They treat you like you're just a number, the bar code on your wrist band. They treat you like you're some kind of animal with a disability. I hated that so much.
The kids at this facility all had different problems. All I could think of this entire time was the book "It's Kind of a Funny Story". No one person is there for the same thing. Everyone has a different story to tell. It was really interesting and empowering listening to my peers. They were all hurting, suffering. One girl was so messed up from drugs she was constantly seeing "ghosts" and talking to herself. One thing I noticed about her though is she was always asking if other people were okay. Even if she's going through such a difficult time in her life, she finds room to see if everyone else is feeling alright.
Then they switched me to different medication. Each day I'd start to feel different. The nurses said they saw a difference, when I really didn't. My anxiety has always been through the roof. I guess I did start to calm down, but I kept my anxiety in my head for them to see that it was "working". It was awful. There was so much going on I nearly blew my top.
Finally, today, September 2nd, 2014, I was discharged from the psych ward. But this story doesn't end here.
When I got home, I started realizing my words were slurring. I was moving slow. Life felt like it was buffering. I didn't know what was happening, so I blamed it on my blood sugar. We went to get dinner at my favorite sushi place, Take Sushi. I order the same dish every time I go: JB Roll with dynamite sauce. They had a special going on with their desserts. They were now serving fried Oreos. In my head I was excited more than ever. I had just got out of the hospital, possibly just got a job, and I'm happy with my family. We ordered the Oreos and celebrated with smiles and laughs. Driving home afterwards, I started to feel nauseous. I had to ask my mom to stop on the side of the road at least two times. I live 10 minutes from the restaurant. I could not make it home. She had to drop me off a little before home because I could not stay in the car for more than a second without nearly vomiting. One thing I forgot about what had happened in the hospital: since I'm diabetic, they put me on a no sugar diet. In other words, for five days, I had not been eating any sugar at all. Going from 5 days without sugar to a meal consisting of only sugar, my stomach flipped upside down. On top of that, my chest felt heavy and I couldn't breathe. It was the longest walk home I have ever endured. Luckily I had an amazing person on the phone with me talking me through it. My blood sugar ended up dropping a good amount, but luckily I did not throw up or it would've dropped even lower and I would've had to go back to the hospital.
Just wanted to write a little about what I've been up to. Obviously not a whole lot of good things going on. I will be updated with positive thoughts from now on like I usually do, and all the goodies I'll be getting in the mail. I'll be doing this tomorrow. Thank you all for the kind messages while I was gone.
Xoxo,
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